Arcade Archives: Contra

AA Contra

Another long title that as implies is the port of an arcade version, not the NES version well grew up playing. What you basically lose here is the famous Konami code and what you gain are superior graphics and sound. It is worth pointing out tho that there is a code for 30 lives that’s quite similar to the classic code. The levels are as far as i can tell exactly the same and still quite the pain in the ass, but weirdly if you re on the top of a level and jump above the screen you can’t fire your weapon which is quite annoying and can get you killed. The levels are pretty fast paced and by todays standards pretty short which really isn’t  problem for an $8 retro game. It also comes with the American and Japanese version as well as a high-score mode and trophy support for those that care to hunt the few of them down. While its a nice stroll down nostalgia lane i have to admit for whatever reason the game just doesn’t feel as fun as it once did. As always thanks for your time and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Independence Day

id4 So funny story, my dad took me to the opening weekend of Independence Day back in 96, and well to this day it’s the only movie to ever scare me so much we had to leave the theater. I was six.

Anyway,  Independence Day is the story of aliens invading Earth over the course of a few days leading up into a battle for Earth on Independence Day. What much more can I  say? It was Will Smith’s breakthrough role into movies; Jeff Goldblum is quirky and likable; Bill Pullman deliveries one of cinema’s greatest speeches of all time. Watching the destruction pieces blew my mind as a kid, and may I say a lot of the effects hold up well to this day. What scared the shit out of me was the alien autopsy scene, the slow tension of the doctors peeling back the layers of skin, revealing the fetal, glassy eyed creature under it’s leathery, tough exterior. Overall, Independence Day is a fun movie that while cheesy, isn’t ridiculous. Check it out this fourth of July before the aliens come for us all.

ACA Neogeo Super Baseball 2020

super baseball

Ok that may be the longest title I have ever had to type out. Seriously the title of this is actually the name of the game. Anyway a friend of mine posted this game was coming out and I thought well damn, i loved this game as a kid I need to pick this up. So i picked it up, waited the 30 seconds it took to download and I have to say it held up pretty decently for an old arcade game. Yes this is based off an arcade version, not the Sega Genesis. the graphics aren’t half bad and the sound held up fairly well also. There re a few issues that drive me nuts tho. They for whatever reason kept the normal arcade time limit when making choices. Which in an actual arcade is no big deal, dealing with that shit at home is super annoying. But wait, there’s more, every 5 minutes the game gets interrupted until you ” insert coins” and hit continue which more than a few times happens in the middle of a pitch which was annoying as hell. When all is said and done its a solid port of the game and aside from a few issues its worth the 8 bucks. As always thanks for your time and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Hellbound Heart

Hbh1 So because the Savior reviewed the iconic movie adaptation of Clive Barker’s disturbing romance novella, I figured I’d cover the lesser known novella, The Hellbound Heart. In a rare instance, Barker did the novella as well as direct the film adaptation which definitely shows. Both are very similar. Frank Cotton, a discouraged sexual deviant, sits in a candle lite room and toys with the ominous Lemanchard’s Configuration (or Lament Configuration), a beautiful, ornate puzzle box that once opened will call forth the seraphic Cenobites to bring him absolution and pleasure. Little does he know how subjective pleasure can be. Frank disappears and his house back in the states goes to his brother Rory, his beautiful but cold wife Julia, and his daughter (in the book their relationship is less specific and she never really refers to him as Daddy or father but rather implied) Kirsty. Rory is a kind, boring man. Julia is a prude who fantasizes about banging Frank, and the brief affair she had right before marrying Rory, and Kirsty is a normal teen girl who loves her dad and tolerates Julia. When moving, Rory scratches himself on a nail and that little bit of blood summons the horrible remains of Frank to find Julia and our plot begins. Julia needs to bring horny men to Frank so he can slaughter them and take there flesh to recover his flesh before the Cenobites find him. Desperate for zesty love Julia obliges. Kirsty, suspecting Julia of having an affair, follows her only to find the horrible truth and comes face to face with her skinned perverted uncle Frank. She manages to escape with her life, waking in a hospital with the box. She opens its and out emerge the Cenobites, not the angels we were lead to believe but gruesome, deformed creatures lead but a tall, colorless figure with a grid craved into his face and nails dug in that would be called Pinhead by fans for decades after. The Cenobites tell Kirsty they want to show her pleasure; she barters her life if she produce Frank. They agree, only sparing her if they can punish the bastard who fled them.

Hellbound Heart is my favorite love story; and it is a love story as well as a soap opera. The Cenobites are written to make you picture them as angels and are masterfully revealed not to be both in the opening and the third act. Clive Barker write Pinhead to have a fearsome, quiet presence reminding me a lot of classic Darth Vader, which is the best compliment I can give. Even in his later works, anytime Pinhead is involved, he gives the story a sense of dread and despair that only the best characters in horror can. It’s a short read, maybe 130-140 pages if that, so definitely pick it up for a good scare and stay away from old music boxes!

Hbh2

All Cheerleders Die

all cheer. die

Directed by Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson All Cheerleaders Die is a movie about, well cheerleaders. Look i won’t lie to you people, basically i hop o Netflix or Hulu, pick a random movie in the horror genre and watch it. Sometimes I sit down with my laptop, get some writing done or work on my game and enjoy a movie. Other times I end up watching shit like All cheerleaders die. I didn’t pay for this but i still want my money back. The first 30 minutes or so is bitchy but hot cheerleaders going about their lives of back stabbing and being a dick to the less popular kids. The only bright sides or the chicks are pretty odd and at least a few of them are lesbians together. There isn’t a lot of nudity but it would be inappropriate for minors. Shortly after the 30 minute mark  a football player has enough of  a cheerleader berating him in front of everyone and punches her which results in a car chase and a car full of cheerleaders seemingly dead. After some accidental witch craft with some magical rocks the girls are back and that is around the time all sorts of weird shit happens. 2 girls switch bodies,people start dieng and i’m not sure if they are zombies or what the hell is going on,they definitely eat a  dude, well steal his life force or maybe both? Movie is weird. Seriously don’t watch it, or at least be drunk. As always thanks for coming and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

The Lego Batman Movie

lbm  I gotta say this was a weird turnaround, watching the grim and bloody Logan to popping in fun and campy Lego Batman in the same night. Essentially Lego Batman is the story of asshole Batman who has to learn it’s ok to need people, even his villains, and it’s ok to open your heart and accept people care about you. First, I gotta give a huge round of applause to the animators of this movie because holy shit it was cool to watch. It was epic how fluid Legos could actually be. Alot of this movie”s humor wasn’t for me per say but I loved how many jokes there were regarding all of the pre-existing Batman films, and the awesome password to the Batcave. Zach Galifinakis is indeed a better Joker than Jared Leto; sorry bro. The climax is pretty sweet where Joker unleashes a army of our most well known, dastardly bad guys from the Phantom Zone Like Voldemort, Sauron, King Kong, The Krakken from the original Clash of the Titans, and even the damn raptors from Jurassic Park. My favorite laugh involved Adam West’s shark repel-ant and Jaws. The cameos are impressive. It’s a fun, energetic movie that’s a fun way to keep you and your kids entertained for a couple hours.

Are “Classic” Consoles needed?

Nintendo classic

With the success of the Nintendo Classic and the assured success of the soon to be released Super Nintendo Classic I have seen the question a few times, are they really needed? At first it seems a silly question. Its a product people want that is easier and cheaper than hunting down and buying the originals.  Lets not forget there are other options as well with many of the titles included being available on various Nintendo consoles. Most people also own a laptop capable of using emulators to play these games (fill disclosure I do not advocate this and it is completely illegal if you do not own an original copy of the game) which raises the question even more, are these needed? My personal opinion, absolutely. Lets be honest here, while it is fun to hunt down your favorite games from the past, and feeling that nostalgia flow over you, it is very much cheaper and easier to simply buy a classic console. many of the games I grew up loving made it onto the NES classic and the SNES classic is also full of games I loved, from Super Mario World to Mega Man X. And sure i could go buy these system and hunt down these games that could easily take hundreds of dollars and probably even more hours of my time as opposed to one of these systems. My only real issue is how short of supply they are in to the point that many people never got to purchase one. Hopefully this time will be different, but I doubt it, As always thanks for your time and may the gaming gods bring you glory.