Game reviews – Page 89 – Savior Gaming

Resident Evil 6 Review

Like another blood-boiling crapper I covered in my list of disappointing games, Resident Evil 6 had an assload of potential and hype surrounding it, and what we got was this. Originally, I called this game the product of what happens when you try pleasing everyone and that is ultimately what slaughters the game. The game ultimately has 4 separate campaigns with 7 total playable characters totaling 21 chapters if you count the pointless prologue that you eventually have to replay anyway later in Leon’s campaign…actually, the prologue is the lead up to his final boss as a matter of fact. The story of Resident Evil 6 is a royal clusterfuck if I ever saw one, only matching BvS by comparison, but I’ll do my best. Leon Kennedy kills the President of the US because he became a zombie, which became a thing again because of some government dickhead named Derrick or whatever- oh trust me, he’s a laugh at the end. Chris Refield is a ptsd driven alcoholic that is going after a cartel called the Jarvo that are drug peddling cricket-men with his bitchy sidekick Piers that keeps reminding you how much of a sad sorry sack of shit you became. Jake Mueller is a douchy super merc who happens to be Wesker’s son teaming up with Sherry Birkin- the annoying little girl from Resident Evil 2 who grew up hot and has Wolverine level healing powers in cutscenes only as they are being chased by diet Nemesis/ Abomination/ metal armed Hellboy 2 troll guy wannabe. Ada Wong is trying to kill a evil clone of herself that set a lot of this shit in motion. Wow, writing this I can fully comprehend how batshit this all sounds.

Ok, the only real positive I give this game is that, graphically, it is beautiful. I give it that. After that, it is steaming ostrich diarrhea. The new upgrading mechanic blows; you don’t get many slots, and you’re aim jitters like a bitch when you fire in an attempt to be more realistic. In a game where one of your final bosses is a fucking zombie dinosaur man you worry about realistic shooting and getting tired in physical combat? Oh that’s great too, adding a ridiculous stamina system so you can get tired after 3 punches and resort to laughably over-exaggerated exhausted hits which cripples Jake’s campaign a bit. Leon’s is supposed to be old school horror- it ain’t. Chris is supposed to cater to the COD crowd- it doesn’t. Ada’s is supposed to be the stealth game- her stealth kills are sloppy as shit. The game isn’t really built for that kind of gameplay, and oh, can you tell. Instead of clever puzzles, everything is made insanely clear with bright indicators, oh, but don’t worry, we got truckloads of damn QTEs because you love them as much as going to the dentist who hates Novocaine. The chapters are long, and because the stories sometimes intersect, you will play the same part over again and watch the same damn cut scene again. I forced myself through his deep-fried ass cheese to get to some of the crapiest final bosses of recent gaming.

re6 dinosaur This says volumes.

Overall, this game is crap. Resident Evil died in the hearts of many the day this came out and for good reason. This is a hemorrhoid on the series and modern gaming; this game is every rock in your trick or treat bag; this game is every bad bikini wax, every nasty toilet seat and every bowl of your grandma’s stale ass cereal she forgot was in her cupboard since disco was a thing. If your drunk you may like this but in the end, friends won’t let friends play Resident Evil 6.

Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City

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Oh boy…this is gonna be bad. Originally described to me by a friend as “Resident Evil meets Star Wars Battlefront” , I was immediately hooked. Playing as an Umbrella agent trying to contain the infamous Raccoon City outbreak- HELL YEAH! Well, sorry again slightly younger Torsten, but get ready to get boned again and have your hopes and dreamed set ablaze. Put bluntly, this game is laughably bad. And honestly, there was no reason it had to be that way. A good third person shooter during a zombie monster apocalypse shouldn’t be that hard of a thing to achieve. That being said, the gameplay was merely a super clunky SOCOM mash up that could be fun with a friend. Some people have told me the game is better in multiplayer but for the single player joes like myself, tough shit pal. The A.I is idiotic and a clear case of it looking like your comrades are doing shit but not really doing a damn thing. The shooting is god awful, like unless the damn zombies were directly in front of me I was screwed. Also, the stupid ass A.I partners would get in the way anyway. The graphics are meh and as for characters, the only two I can remember are HUNK- the Boba Fett of Resident Evil who has a unintentionally funny intro and a brief cameo and chase by William Birkin which is the best part if the running didn’t feel like a hot grilled ass and cheese sandwich… I’m going to end this review of this wad of giraffe dung with a anecdote: I got this used from my local game store. Cashier says “ouch dude, are you sure?” and for free he upgraded me to the steel book case and the told me what days he worked that week and told me if I brought it back, he’d let me exchange it for a equal value game, no questions asked. I came back less than 24 hours later, walked up to him and in front of people replied “Fuck this game.” That says it all. Overall, friends don’t let friends play Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City.

Game Dev Story (Mobile)

game dev story

Game Dev Story is a Mobile game from Kairosoft where you run a small software company. As you choose types of games and hire new employees you make more money to create more games. The game itself is interesting and not very hard however it also is not easy. It will require a few play throughs to figure out how to unlock all the different game types you can create and the best way to combine them, but the game itself is easy to get into and at times hard to put down. There is a free trial version if you are curious, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Mario 3 Retro Review

Mario 3

Super Mario Bros. 3. I had not touched this game for a long time. Admittedly as a kid i thought this game as a masterpiece. One of the best of the best. As an adult? This game is still a classic deserving of its status in the gaming world. As you guide our favorite plumber thru world after world of side scrolling action discovering new powers and costumes and even whistles you will plow through many different levels and enemies. Before you know it hours will have passed you by. If you consider yourself a gamer and have not played this game you owe it to yourself to try this one out. And may the gaming gods bring glory to you all.

Final Fantasy 9 (PS4)

Every so often in gaming something happens that is a nice surprise. The other day I woke up to an e-mail about the sudden release of a classic from my childhood. Final Fantasy 9. The story of Zidane and Garnet on their quest to save the world. Sure there is much more to this amazing game, but most people know the story. They want to know, how does this hold up?

Well this port was given the full treatment. Beautiful HD graphics, trophy support ( as of the Saturday of release someone has already managed the Platinum) and just like the Final Fantasy 7 port its of the PC version and has some fun little cheat codes you can choose to use. If you never played before I would suggest skipping the max level stuff but if you just want the story that alone will make the game a breeze.

If you are a fan of the JRPG genre, the original release or the series you owe it to yourself to purchase this game. It is truly a treasure, and is easily one of the Best games ever made. Thanks for reading and may the gaming gods bring you glory

Soma- what the hell is it? Week one

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So my first week playing the game horror game Soma, and I’m pretty divided by it. I can’t completely tell you what the full plot is but I can tell you that the bastard above was a hour long pain in my ass. The story involves people consciousnesses into machines and it is eerie how the machines we encounter the blur the line between the perceptions of man and machine and reality. I’ve been chased by a “brute”, a ape like robot and I’ve noticed the great/shitty way the game handles its horror element. When nearby an enemy machine, Jarret’s brain starts freaking out, making the screen appear to glitch and blur, these affects intensifying the more closer you get. When caught, the screen full on glitches, flashing pixalated, creepy images during a loud scratching screech. The bastard above should not be directly looked at; his image blurs and grows brighter as he gets closer but your sight gets slowed and sways when your near and this bastard is always nearby. The environments are disorienting to begin with but this crap was too much. Take four 151 shots in a row, spin around in a haunted fun house hall three times and try finding your way out, welcome to that hour of my life. But I carry on. Thanks for listening to my rant and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

5 Great Games That Are Now Painful To Play

This list is simple. This week I went back and played more original Nintendo games than I should admit to. However some of them were games as a kid I fell in love with, and now they are suddenly painful to play.

Almost everyone that owned an NES played the Mario game and for many it was the first we played. So when I turned this bad boy on I was looking forward to a nostalgia trip. What i got was the realization that this game was boring and hard to control and the sense that the ability to play this game all the way through was lost on me completely. By level 1-2 I wanted to stop. A few worlds and warp pipes later I was done, and possibly forever.

Mario 2 is basically the black sheep of the Mario family for NES. Some hated it some loved it. I fell into the loved category. The whimsical levels and multiple characters with different abilities, whats not to love? Well it turns out everything. From random potions to stealing keys and seemingly random bosses I finally understand how dumb this dream was.

Seriously what were we on that we enjoyed Donkey Kong? It is climbing ladders and dodging barrels with a game that controls like a tank with the emergency break being stuck in the on position.

Double Dragon 2 is a typical brawler. But seriously who in the hell made the decision that the buttons would swap depending on what direction you were facing and that the jump button would be to just hit 2 buttons at once and hoping you didn’t hit one slightly before the other?

Tecmo Bowl. What can I say? Some of you may hate me for this. But by the gaming gods does this game suck in retrospect. The very limited play options is understandable for it time, but hey screw a menu lets go with hitting button combinations. The game play itself reminds me of one of those old football games that shoot and the players just randomly moved

Seriously maybe its an age thing and the fact that better games have come and gone and come again, but these games were simply painful to play. Let me know what you think and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Metroid Retro Review

Metroid

I played this game long ago as a kid, and I have to say I always thought it was an overrated game. As an adult, that opinion hasn’t changed. The graphics while nice for their time basically look like a color swaps of other areas and the enemies seemed lazy and the story uninteresting to me. I will however say it was more fun than I remember. I honestly can’t say much about it that has not been said, and many people feel the game and series are amazing while other like me simply do not get it. Get out there and try it for yourself, and may the gaming gods guide you to glory.

Tales from the Borderlands

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The last Borderlands game before we finally get 3 and it’s from TellTale Games, king of point-and- click adventures with stories that keep you hooked. At first I was pretty against the idea of a different kind of Borderlands game but after the first twenty minutes I was hooked. Tales takes place after 2 and we follow our main characters Rhys- a Hyperion stooge with a cybernetic arm and eye looking to make it big along with his friend Vaughn and there stolen Loader Bot, and Fiona- a wanted con woman looking for a big score with her little sister Sasha. These characters all meld together along with others from the series as they venture to battle more bandits, and assemble a robot that will help them find the Vault of the Traveler, unlocking more of the universe then they could possibly imagine. Holy shit was this a fun way to get a platinum trophy. Because of it being Borderlands it’s a story full of the series trademark outrageous humor and sad drama. Towards the end, I freaked out with nerdgasmic glee at how epic it was. A few times the game felt a little slow but I could never call it boring. The characters were memorable while all the cameos were pretty welcome; at the end of the third episode there a freaking awesome 2 on 2 fight leading into the beginning in the Pre-sequel. Overall, Tales from the Borderlands is a great addition to the series and as I said, it’s a fun, easy way to get a platinum trophy. As always, thank you for reading and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Borderlands: The Pre-sequel

borderlands ps

What was Borderlands missing? How about Borderlands…IN SPACE! for the third game in the series we are lead into space to recount the downfall of the Vault Hunters and the rise of one of gaming’s greatest recent villains, Handsome Jack. For once we already know our characters we play as: Wilhelm the Enforcer (Jack’s cyborg bodyguard from 2), Athena the Gladiator (General Knox’s Atlas assassin from 1’s DLC), Nischa the Lawbringer ( Jack’s future girlfriend and tyrannical sheriff of Lynchwood in 2) and Claptrap (formerly the ninja-assassin Claptrap of 1’s DLC). Like with 2, there are two extra characters with the DLC. In essence, of the three FPS games, Pre-sequel is the shortest story and game wise. I redboxed it when it first came out, and avoided most of the side quests, I got half way through the game in less than six hours. The strongest pro of the game is the story. Jack is likable but we understand how his good motives turn dark and how the heroes we thought were good are just as guilty for the events of Pandora’s decline as Jack is. I love that by the end no one feels completely good or evil. The newest mechanic is the Zero Gravity and oxygen need. I’m fine with the oxygen completely, and I like the joke they make about Claptrap not needing air. The Zero Gravity both helps and hurts the game. Its a fun new challenge bouncing around the moon shooting at space bandits with your new lasers, but at the same time it becomes harder to find your way around and sometimes this gets really annoying. Probably the biggest flaw I got with this game is the side missions aren’t that great. 2 skillfully made them feel natural and a lot of them were funny as hell so we didn’t mind doing them; Pre-sequel has some like this but there is a lot of them that feel like busy work. Overall I liked the game and recommend it if you played the others but don’t let it be your first impression of the series. As always, thank you for reading and may the gaming gods bring you glory.