Category: Movie Review

I don’t often do this, but lately, I was hanging out with @torstenvblog watching movies and we decided to check out Black Christmas. It is a Blumhouse movie ( I know first red flag) by Sophia Takal. Sophia has made other movies like Always Shine and V/H/S, movies I’ve heard are solid and respectable movies on their in their own right. Based on this movie, however, I have no intention of ever fucking watching them.

Yes, I am about to trash this movie from here on after I say this. The actors did everything they could to save what was basically a dumpster fire that had no real chance of ever being good. The movie starts with poor Linsday leaving the library and being followed by some guy on his cell phone made out to be a total creep that magically has her phone number. It is a horror movie I get it. Get used to this though. If you see a guy in this movie, he is an evil rapist. This isn’t a joke. On some level, he is the bad guy unless he is an extra in the background. Lindy girl is now dead when the real killer turns her into a snow angel.

Get used to this too, every woman in this movie is basically a total moron except the main character. Nobody is going to believe her to listen to her about almost anything.

This is basically the last we will discuss on Linsday. This isn’t my choice, go talk to Sophia about that shit, she wrote and directed this. They will mention her towards the end but basically, everyone is happy to accept that she called her friends right before being murdered, never made it home to her family and nobody was found. She is just gone. This happens more than once.

The movie is full of weird plot holes like this, but they are not even the worst part. Every guy in the movie is made out to be a rapist (one actually is and his death is the most satisfying part of the movie) and every girl (I say this to point out when called girls one always shouts out woman) is a huge stereotype. For example, the “SUPER woke” black woman running around having statues torn down of white slave owner racist and trying to get the teacher fired for teaching English literature but not having enough women or people of color on the class syllabus. That is however basically all she does, besides badger the chick that got raped that it’s been like two years and she needs to rebuild herself already.

The ending is even more insulting because it turns out the killings were all a cult. Basically a cult of “alpha” men controlled by a statue that brings out the real tendency of men. A weak and submissive woman that knows her place would steal items so these men would know which women were causing problems and kill them. And even the two men in the movie decent guys suddenly became violent abusers that attacked women as inferior.

This movie insulted basically all of humankind, and the worst part is the movie SHOULD have been really good. The pieces were there, the concept of a cult that can make horrible men become their true selves was good, and that it could be used to help control already weak-willed women to help scum like that could have been great. Instead, we ended up with a movie that damn near offended me, and I don’t think I’ve ever been offended by anything in my life. Not only was this movie not good, but it also shouldn’t be watched by anyone with class or taste. Best wishes and may the gaming gods have mercy on our souls.