Human Centipede

human centipede

You know those movies you hear about that either made people faint, barf, or psychologically scared them? Sometimes, in the case of the Exorcist, it becomes a pop culture icon. Years ago, we got the Human Centipede…

We begin with the exploits of two American college girls in Germany that get lost in the woods during a storm after there car breaks down; but have no fear, they find a not rapey scientist guy alone in a tricked out house. Well, the totally not creepy guy drugs them and they wake up in a basement laboratory with a dude who doesn’t speak a word of English and is really pissed. Creepy doctor explains his fascination with Siamese twins and how he plans to connect his three victims mouth to anus, mouth to anus. After one of the girl’s failed attempts at escape, he goes through with the surgery, creating his beloved Human Centipede..

So, to do this review, I have to put this into perspective: Human Centipede is a movie totally dependent of where your gross out threshold lies. If you are on the lower end of the spectrum, you will likely find this movie shocking and creepy, if you have a higher threshold, you may find morbid laughs in it. I see both but I found it as a mildly entertaining WTF film. There isn’t really any outlandish gore or nudity, its shock is all in the premise and the Dr. I do like the sad ending. In the end, it’s kinda meh but worth checking out for curiosity sake. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Mr. Woodcock (2007)

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Oh Billy Bob Thornton you sick sick bastard how I love you movies. This time around Billy Bob (Mr. Woodcock) plays what can only be described as a jack ass pretty much abusive gym teacher that torments his students to the point of ruining their lives. Seann William Scott plays Farley, one of those students. Many years later Farley rights a book and is honored by the town and comes home, only to discover Mr. Woodcock (Billy Bob) is dating his mom.

The movie itself honestly isn’t exactly good, much of it is pretty much run of the mill stuff that is easy to see coming. For me it is just one of those guilty pleasure movies. I understand the story is simplistic and unoriginal. That being said Billy Bob plays the role of Mr. Woodcock amazingly. I love watching him play his usual role, he does it so well. Scott counters his role to perfection as well. The fact that he was pretty much always seen as Stiffler always saddened me.

If you like Scott and Thornton you will probably enjoy this movie, on the other hand however if not, you will probably not be into this movie. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Streets of Rage (Xbox 360)

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Streets of rage is one of those classics and for Xbox One owners this month you can get all 3 for free with the Sega Vintage Collection. The first one is a pretty faithful version of the game. The sound and graphics look and sound like crisper versions of the game people grew up loving and the controls haven’t changed a bit tho it is debatable as to whether or not that is good or bad.

For fans of the original this game is a must have and the fact that it is free makes downloading this a no brainer, and you can do it with full confidence that it is a worthy copy of the game and even comes with multiple options on how it fits the screen. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Deadpool: Monkey Business

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Many a Marvel fan have wanted a Deadpool and Spider-man crossover in the MCU and maybe someday we will. Spider-man, a good-natured jester and Deadpool, a maniacal hit man that shoots as many jokes as bullets, I love the chemistry between the two. In this story, while not battling themselves, they are forced to battle a talented, dangerous assassin, Hit-Monkey. Yes, a cute white monkey in a little black suit going around John Wicking people. I laughed my ass off watching the two getting there asses kicked by a monkey, who is pretty badass. A huge reason to read this is the great comedic chemistry between Spider-man and Deadpool. If you want a quick read with some great jokes and cool fights, I recommend this book. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Super Mega Baseball 2 Xbox One

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One of the free games this month on Xbox One is Super Mega Baseball 2. The game isn’t actually what I was expecting, which isn’t a bad thing. The game is clearly not an officially licensed game so all the players and team are fictitious. The game also has a very old-fashioned Sega/SNES arcade style feel to it.

The batting is all done with the A and X buttons with one being for a contact swing and the other being for a power swing. The batting controls function great and at no time did I feel like missing the ball was due to anything other than my own incompetence. The pitching works a bit weird but is easy to get used to. You used the right stick to choose a pitch the use A to throw, as you are winding up you use the left stick to move the pitch to the proper place in to make the ball go where you want. It doesn’t take much getting used to, but it is a bit odd.

All in all the game isn’t bad, but I largely think that could be because I didn’t have to pay for it. The game is fun but it leaves much to be desired. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

A Kingdom for Keflings

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Every so often my daughter will ask for a game on my Xbox and I will buy it for her because I am a gamer and I understand seeing a game and just wanting to play it. Sometimes I will then play that game myself. Enter A Kingdom for Keflings.

So after seeing her play I start messing around with it, kicking villagers building some stuff because why not. Slowly I start to notice, the game is actually an odd amount of fun. As i start to expand and chop down trees, build houses, see more of these little people show up and build more stuff for them that leads to more things to build I slowly notice that I have in fact built a small kingdom for my Keflings. Now I must admit this game doesn’t have much to it. There isn’t an invading horde coming after you, or really even a reason to build the kingdom except they basically want you to build them one. You are essentially a giant in a world of little people. Their god if you will. And you are just nice enough to help them out. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Iron Fist: the Living Weapon: Rage

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I have to say I never had a real interest in Iron Fist for most of my comic fan-dom. He’s one of those characters that wasn’t prevalent in the old cartoons, never had a movie, and while I haven’t gotten to the Netflix show, I haven’t heard many decent reviews so I hesitant to pick up one of his stories…

Danny Rand was a privileged child who disappeared with his family in the mountains in search for the mythical city of Kun-Lun. He was the only one to reemerge, imbued with the power to channel his chi into a host of abilities and great martial arts skills. After years of fighting as the Iron Fist, everything from Danny’s past crashes down on him. Undead ninjas, Kun-Lun is in ruin, a fiend disguised as both his deceased father and mentor comes for him and his power is drained, leaving him powerless and broken down in this colorful Kung-Fu   epic…

I have to admit, this story wasn’t really my thing but I can respect it. The artwork is sweet and there are some cool fights. The story is a bit confusing if you aren’t familiar with Iron Fist’s story but if you enjoy old school type martial arts stories, you’ll get a more out of Iron Fist than I have. A special thanks to my friend Autobot for letting me borrow it and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

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This movie is one of those movies where you can look up reviews and see anything from it was great to people cursing up a storm. Check YouTube and you can find discussion videos and videos explaining the ending. The final of the Matrix Trilogy is the most divisive in the bunch. If you have seen it you know why, the ending isn’t exactly your typically happy ending but it also doesn’t have some weird twist ending. It just has an ending. As you would think its visuals and acting are all top-tier like you expect just like its sound so you won’t be complaining there either.

The story is also for the most part more straight forward than the others. While people like to debate the ending and some philosophical parts, the plot isn’t confusing or full of twist and turns. This is just a dash to the finish. Personally I didn’t care for the trilogy as a whole, but it is still enjoyable to watch as a fan of cinema. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

THE HOUSE REVIEW — The MAD MOVIE RANTER

The House always win? Not with jokes like these. After the town takes away their daughter’s college scholarship, a couple (Will Ferrell/Amy Poehler) start an illegal casino in their friend’s (Jason Mantzoukas) house to make back the money. Sheesh. What is going on with comedies these days? Look, I’m not looking for groundbreaking stuff BUT […]

via THE HOUSE REVIEW — The MAD MOVIE RANTER

5 great foreign horror films

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Between 17 and 18 I was fortunate enough to have a local video store downtown that specialized in horror movies and oh I had one hell of a list to search through. I discovered some of my all time favorites here and I discovered the wonders of horror from other cultures and my mind expanded. In no particular order, lets begin with…

the beyond 1. The Beyond-

Part 2 of Lucio Fulchi’s unofficial “Gates of Hell” trilogy, Fulchi’s shocking imagery and the great score is a awesome mix. Because of this, I understand why people are scared of spiders, that’s for damn sure. If you want something really weird, check this picture out.

audition 2. Audition-

Crazy girlfriend movies are a dime a dozen these days but none of them compare to this crazy ass movie. Audition made me a bit scared to enter the dating scene because there’s never a feeling of fakeness and a shockingly realistic antagonist. I highly recommend this to new horror fans.

pans labyrinth 3. Pan’s Labyrinth-

Guillermo Del Toro is an astounding director and while this isn’t totally a horror movie, it did give me nightmares for one particular part, because of a certain creature a decade later I still can’t forget. While not exactly a horror film, it’s one of the top 10 greatest films I’ve ever seen.

the orphange 4. The Orphanage-

Much like Labyrinth, this Spanish ghost story is very deep and rides the line between conventional ghost story and sad character drama that may not be for everyone, but’s worth checking out if you like ghost stories.

cannibal holocaust 5. Cannibal Holocaust-

You know those stories you heard about the Exorcist where people fainted and had legitimate visceral reactions to it in 73? I had visceral reaction to this movie, quite possibly one of the most controversial films ever made. As a special, once we hit 1,000 subscribers here, I’ll talk in a lot more detail about Cannibal Holocaust but I’ll say now, for as powerful and thought provoking as it is, don’t bother if you suffer from weak constitutions. You’ve been warned.

I hope you all enjoyed this list and please follow and once we hit 1,000 followers, I’ll do a Cannibal Holocaust review. May the gaming gods bring you glory.