Category: Movie Review

Resident Evil: Afterlife

re afterlife

Let’s face it everyone, there are plenty of crappy video game movies out there. In fact, 9 out of 10 of them suck super hard. Resident Evil (movie 2002) was a pretty decent movie that could have broken the mold but still stuck a reasonable trilogy- until a fourth came…in 3D!

Picking up where Resident Evil: Extinction left off, Alice and her clone army swarm the Umbrella HQ in Tokyo. After a huge battle, Alice escapes a fight against mastermind Albert Wesker but is injected with a serum that makes her lose her powers. Alone, she comes across a mind controlled Claire and eventually end up in a fortified prison where Claire reunites with her brother, Chris, leading up to the trio facing Wesker for the fate of humanity.

I’m pretty torn here. As a fan of the games, this is a travesty. The characters are awful and there’s stuff pulled from Resident Evil 5 that never is explained and makes no sense what so ever. However, the action is hilariously over the stop with too much slow mo and shitty 3D effects and it’s a fun crap movie to enjoy while drunk or high. This one is basically a question of what you want from it, but honestly this movie is still crap. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Green Hornet

green hornet

For years now, I’ve come to see the past decade as the age of nostalgia. It started to resonate with me when Duke asked “Jesus, why the hell is this coming back?” One of the first times I heard him say this was when the Green Hornet movie was announced.

Britt Reid is a snotty ass spoiled son of a celebrated newspaper mogul who is wasting his life away on partying and chicks. The day comes when his dad dies from his severe allergy to hornet stings. Suddenly Britt has to grow up fast and control his empire, covering the corruption swallowing his city. A calling comes as he befriends Kato, a badass genius who makes some epic coffee. Together these friends will arm themselves and get a awesome ride as they fight against a plot to rule the city from a violent crime boss and corrupt politician..

Honestly, I don’t know shit about the source material, but I don’t really get the hate this movie got. This movie was no Green Lantern by any means. Seth Rogen wasn’t bad as Hornet and had pretty awesome chemistry with John Chou who was badass as Kato.  There was a good mix of action and comedy and a overall good cast behind it. The 3D comic book visuals aged pretty lame however and while it’s a entertaining movie, there’s nothing really overly special. It’s not as funny as Deadpool or have the powerful storytelling of Iron Man (2008) . In the end, it’s a perfectly enjoyable superhero comedy worth checking out. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Venom 2 title and release date reveal

Why am I not surprised the Venom sequel would have a title like this. The after credit scene made Carnage certain but knowing there won’t be Spider-man and this movie is going to be Pg-13, I feel like this movie has it’s legs broken from the get go. Time will tell but my hopes aren’t strong.

Spider-man: Far From Home

spidey ffh

Life hasn’t been easy for young Peter Parker as of late, especially after losing his friend and mentor Tony Stark during Avengers: Endgame . The pressures of being a superhero are mounting as people ask if he is Iron Man’s replacement and the one and only Nick Fury comes to him for help with a urgent matter involving gigantic elemental monsters from another dimension. Peter seriously needs a break to hang out with his friends and ask MJ out on there class trip to Europe but duty calls as Fury intervenes calling upon Spider-man and a new hero claiming to be from that other dimension: enter Mysterio.

First and foremost, I’m a huge Mysterio fan and they did him super justice in this movie. Despite fans knowing the twist, this movie does a pretty good job at subverting expectations, leading to probably my favorite finale in a Spider-man movie. Tom Holland is pretty solid as Spidey and thankfully the side characters are pretty solid. The only issue I have is how a lot of the story beats repeat from Spider-man: Homecoming and as well as some from Spider- man 2 and the Amazing Spider-man with the responsibility story line but it does it well. The end credits cameo is great and I got a huge kick out of it. In the end, it’s a damn good MCU movie but is far from perfect. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Ghost Of Girlfriends Past (2009)

I have always liked Jennifer Garner and Matthew McConaughey, and the story of Ebenezer Scrooge is classic. So what would happen if instead of being a cheap rich man, he was a womanizing playboy that just lived to take photos of half-naked women, get drunk and get laid? Well truthfully we will never know, but we can find out what happens to Connor Mead (Matthew)

See this is Connors’s story, and that is basically it. We will see how he treats his female assistant, break up with his three girlfriends in a conference call in front of a singer he is fooling around with that he picked up at a photoshoot then off to his brother’s wedding where his dead uncle he learned this all from will tell him to expect a visit from three ghosts.

The ghost are of course from his past, his present, and his future. They will show him all the ways he is and was messing and what will happen if he doesn’t change his ways. This probably sounds just like a Christmas movie, tho this one is a bit funnier. That being said while the movie is funny and entertaining it isn’t a great movie. While the concept is interesting I feel like it could have been done better rather than just being one massive stereotype about a guy falling for the girl next door. So check it out if you have the time, the movie is enjoyable, but not life-changing. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

 

Scary Movie 3

scary movie 3

So do you guys remember the year 2000? Well, Torsten does, and he also remembers when people loved the hell out of the first Scary Movie , making fun of the smash successes Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) . Well by 2003 the The Ring and Signs (2002) took the horror climate by storm and as well as everyone losing there shit when Eminem stared in 8 Mile. So by now Cindy Campbell is dealing as a mysterious videotape, the world is being invaded by aliens and it’s up to Cindy and a wannabe white rapper to find the connection between “horrors”

While a lot of the humor holds up decently well, I must admit this movie makes me feel old as hell. The movie is pretty simple in it’s humor but has a fun guilty pleasure vibe, despite being Pg-13. Leslie Nielson is legendary as the president and his scenes, while very few, make me laugh my ass off almost 20 years later. It’s a solid parody that is dated as hell but if you at least old enough to drink, you may get a good laugh. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Cabin in the Woods

cabin in the woods

If you caught our Halloween special this past year, you would’ve caught my entry Our favorites, Day 23: Cabin in the Woods . Hell, I’ll go as far as to call this one of my favorite horror movies and it’s certainly something you sure as hell don’t see everyday. Essentially we begin with a tale as old as time: a group of college friends head out to a cabin in the woods for a weekend, only to discover a basement of random relics and it just so happens they waken the undead family that previously owned it. Sounds cliche as hell, right? I’m not going to spoil anything because there is a serious joy to watching this movie’s clever plot unfold and I highly recommend going in blind if you possibly can. While clever and full of some pretty sweet kills and a collection of awesome horrors, the movie is equally funny and quotable. The actors are great and the friends have good chemistry. Honestly, there’s a lot I can say and while I know the movie is getting up there in years, it’s best to just dive in and see what you find. May the gaming gods bring you glory…and please don’t press the big red button.

The Descent: Part 2

descent 2

Most of the time I see a movie, especially a rare kind of horror movie that’s actually scary, and I get wary. Horror and comedy lend themselves to crappy straight to video sequels and well…(sigh).

So days after Sarah crawled her way out of the caves, bloody and beaten, the cops find her. The trauma of the caves has left her nearly catatonic and suffering from amnesia. The sheriff doesn’t buy it and organizes a search party to find the girls from the first movie, ordering Sarah to come with them. Along the journey, evidence arises towards the grisly end of Sarah’s friends and soon the the Crawlers attack but as the group divides, another survivor emerges…

I try to be as honest when doing these reviews so I have to say Descent 2 outright pissed me off. I wasn’t surprised that the cave is well lighted the whole time and the amount of flashbacks and the reliance on Easter eggs from the first. What pissed me off was that other survivor (I don’t want to spoil it) because after that, the movie starts to crap on what I liked about the first. The plot itself is borderline idiotic and I wasn’t invested in any of the characters; I even laughed my ass off at a poorly done heroic death. The score is decent and there are some decent gore effects but nothing worth mentioning. In the end, I say skip this pointless sequel because it will tarnish the first for you. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Swallow trailer

When I saw this trailer, I was a immediately hooked by the premise and the visuals behind it. I love stories about the ugliness of a perfect world type of thing. There are some pretty disturbing places this concept could go and I’m interested to see where. I definitely want to check this out at some point. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Descent

the descent

I see a ton of trailers just to report about them here and I’ve seen a billion in my lifetime. The Descent was a rare case. In a era of gore-porn in horror I thought suspense was pretty much gone and while I loved the trailer, I assumed this was going to be another mindless bloodbath. I was insanely wrong…

Sarah and her gal pals are adventurous thrill seekers who love pushing there limits. After tragedy strikes, Sarah is left broken inside after losing everything. A year later, her friend Juno reunites the women for a all girls weekend and a new adventure: exploring what they are led to believe is a routine cavern dive. At first all is well and they are treated to wondrous sights and thrills they’d been hoping for. It quickly becomes a nightmare when a tight tunnel caves in and the truth comes out, they were never in a explored area. As the ladies struggle to find a way in, fear settles in and the group begins turning on each other, but little do they know they are far from alone down there…

In no way is this a perfect movie but damn I love it. The movie is excellent at mounting tension and carries suspense all the way through. I have to credit the filmmakers because the use of darkness and various lighting is extremely well done and at times adds to the freaky atmosphere with a good score. The actresses have really good chemistry and it’s easy to care about them and believe they were longtime friends. I love that the plot has layers to it, not sticking to a creature feature or a survival moment and there is a nice ribbon of revenge in it.  The Crawlers are creepy and I appreciate a B movie concept pushed to a scary level of these inhuman freaks. As I said though, this movie is far from perfect however. There are some stupid jump scares thrown in with some genuinely good scares and I found most  of the jump scares annoying. With a lot of the fast editing and dark backgrounds, some action scenes are frankly a cluster fuck to watch. The opening 10 minutes feel awkward and admittedly, I know this movie has 3 ending and I’ve seen 2 and thought both were pretty lame.  Despite a weak start and weak finish, The Descent is a damn good horror movie that still keeps me on edge that I highly recommend. May the gaming gods bring you glory.