Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

abe lincoln vampire hunter

Seth Grahame-Smith: a man who has made so many eye catching WTF titles, I damn near found it impossible not to pick up just on premise alone. I mean let’s be serious for a second, Abraham Lincoln- one of the most fascinating presidents of U.S history and arguably one of the greatest…and we’re supposed to imagine him slaying through the fiends of the dead. I admit, I thought it was going to be a ridiculous comedy but I was pleasantly surprised.

The story flips back and forth between Lincoln’s personal diaries and third person narrative discussing his life, his personal demons and his years hunting down vampires while trying to keep a family and keep to the path we know of in history.

I was impressed how grounded the book was and even creepy at times. There is a great sense of tension when Abe is around vampires, and he does get his ass kicked. He’s not a damn superhero as he is portrayed in the film. The book is well paced and as a general reader, the historical context isn’t unreasonable. There really wasn’t anything that made me call Bullshit or anything. I think it’s worth a read and may the gaming gods bring you glory and safe from vampires.

Sea Of Thieves First Impressions

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After playing the beta for Sea of Thieves I wasn’t really sure what to expect from the full game. Now I need to be clear, this is not a full review. I have got some play time in but obviously not nearly enough to truly give it a full review. I do have some thoughts on it tho. First the fun factor of the game depends deeply on who you end up playing with. With the right group hours can easily fly by. With the wrong group the game is actually a chore with team mates being it the way, slamming your ship into rocks or all around being a pain to be around.

The game also can be a breeding ground for toxic behavior. People will attack and sink your ship when its not protected, this would make sense if you had treasure or if there was some nearby but in my time I have noticed more often than none its done for no reason at all.

These things aside when the game is fun, it is a lot of fun. The simple act of sailing alone requires knowing when to turn and how, but with a group one person keeping watch for ships and islands, and another keeping an eye on the nap while another steers the ship makes traveling a joy. And the threat of storms that move and can potentially wreck your ship if you aren’t careful, but also is not likely is amazing. There is also a kraken floating around but admittedly I have not seen it myself.

There are also various different skeletons to fight during your adventures each with different strengths and weaknesses, for example one made of metal that swords can’t harm or one partly made of plants that regenerate health when the sun is up.

All in all for fans of multiplayer games there is fun to be had and you can set sail alone, but there other players at times can ruin the adventure. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Look Who’s Talking Too

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Look Who’s Talking Too is obviously the sequel look Who’s Talking, and sadly it is kind of the black sheep of the three movies. This time around Mollie (Kirstie Alley) and James (John Travolta) are married and having a little girl, and she is now added to the children we hear from.

We also get to deal with potty training issues, a separation of Mollie and James, the murder of a stuffed Penguin and even the first steps of a new little girl named Julie. (Roseanne Barr) As far as family comedies go, the movie isn’t bad. In fact it has its moments and is even quite cute and pretty well written. The problem is older adults that don’t have kids usually tend not to like those types of movies, so much so the movie was actually demolished on Rotten Tomatoes by both critics and fans, tho fans did rate it higher. This is another one of those movies some will like it, but most probably won’t. Its cute, but it’s for a very niche market. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The movie

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It finally happened: the Aqua Teens finally face Dr. Weird as we finally discover there origin in this epic feature film. Seriously, this movie sneaked up on me. It opens on a cameo of Abe Lincoln, a trip to the moon, and a sweet nu- metal remix of the theme song. So the plot mainly focuses on the gang getting a new piece of exercise equipment that turns out to be an apocalyptic death machine. If you love the show, you will love the crazy scale of the movie and will appreciate the other cameos throughout (Space Ghost man). I found myself liking it a lot more than I thought I would; may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Ice Sharks (2016)

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Oh man oh man I love a good B movie, and this one starts out fantastic. Looks solid but still corny and the sound effects are nice. The acting is pretty good as well, but too to. You can still tell this isn’t an upper tier movie. As you can tell, this one takes place in the arctic a research facility. Some of their instruments start to either malfunction or  the ice is melting real damn quick, they aren’t sure which it is but we know it’s the ice melting. It isn’t long before the sharks start attacking. The movie is pretty good right up until around half way when the facility sinks to the bottom of the ocean.

Seriously the sharks use their dorsal fin to cut around the center and it floats out to sea. They then use propane tanks and a blow torch to scare the sharks away damaging the little bit of ice they are on and sinking them. The movie falls apart there pretty much completely. My girlfriend stopped watching it and even I was just hoping it would end. This is a movie best avoided my friends, best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Boondocks

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I just got into middle school when the Boondocks hit the scene on Adult Swim and wow it hit hard. A decade and a half later I’m still impressed with the show’s mix of racial comedy, deep messages, and influences from Hip hop and anime all in one. It’s rare a show can make me laugh hysterically, look at the world a little differently, and even stare in awe at a couple of epic fights along the way. The show centers on two brothers, Huey and Riley Freedmen, who go to live with there Grandfather, a former Civil Rights activist who struck it rich and now lives in a all white gated community. With a list of colorfully strange characters and a cool art style, this show is definitely worth checking out, though I do suggest trying to track the show down unedited because you will hear a lot of bleeps. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Look Who’s Talking (1989)

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I first saw this movie years ago, so seeing it on Hulu kind of brought me back to my childhood. I don’t even remember how I saw it first saw it, probably my mom honestly. The movie is actually a very simple concept. A woman has an affair with her married boss, woman gets pregnant, woman has baby, woman meets a guy in the gab while labor weird friendship ensues. What makes this movie weird? The movie actually takes place mostly from the narrative stand point of the kid. As the movie takes place you hear the internal dialogue of the kid. His thoughts, his wants etc.

The movie sounds kind of weird but it’s actually a very well written and funny comedy. Kirstie Alley and John Travolta play their parts amazingly and while both had careers before and after this was one of the first movies I saw them in, tho Bruce Willis was equally amazing I will always associate him with Die hard. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Black Dynamite (adult swim)

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What can I say, he’s mother f$%king Black Dynamite. Whether he’s kicking a racist Kermit’s ass for trying to hypnotize kids or defeating a racist conspiracy to eliminate legendary black porn stars, and even guarding Richard Pryor, Black Dynamite straight up kicks ass. Through an insane few seasons, I got to say I loved this cartoon based on the exploitation film of the same name. The voice acting is great and the animation is really well done. I love the celebrity parodies throughout, whether it’s a alien Michael Jackson or my favorite,  a maniacal Mr. Rodgers. If you are looking for a quick watch full of ass kicking and humor, I recommend checking this show out, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force

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Again, here I was watching adult rated cartoons as a kid when Aqua Teen Hunger Force. In seasons it’s changed names but the theme always kept the same: Anthropomorphic food stuffs Master Shake, Frylock, and MeatWad act as “Detectives” from there New Jersey home and deal with crazy shit like 8 Bit aliens from the moon, giant robots, the robot ghost of Christmas past, and there arch enemy Dr Weird- and occasionally there pissed off, perverted neighbor Carl. With only 15 minute episodes, the many seasons can be eaten up in a flash if you want something quick to watch. I got to give the show credit, it stays pretty damn inventive and never really feels played out. As a childhood favorite, it’s worth looking into if you need something weird in your life. May the gaming gods bring you glory.

Surviving Mars (Xbox One)

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This is one of those games I pondered, should I or should I not buy this game. Then I saw it had three versions. Which one do I buy? Do I risk buying he base $40 version, loving the game and having to buy all the bullshit later? Or do I buy the biggest version and risk blowing money on a game I hate? So like any irresponsible gamer I picked up the Deluxe edition with some of the cool extra stuff . Turns out it splitting the middle bit me in the ass a little since it turns out I loved the game.

I started out pretty excited since I have always enjoyed the genre ever since I played the original Sim City on Super Nintendo. So I loaded up, set it up and picked a landing site. Upon landing I started to set up some basic resources. Cement, metal and electricity.  It wasn’t long until water and air followed and then I finally called in some living humans to settle the red planet. That is when it all went down hill. the pipes carrying air to the dome busted and everyone started to suffocate. After rushing to find some extra metal to fix the pipes, because I ran out, I managed to save them. Then an electrical wire went and they lost everything again. As I called Earth requesting more and more supplies in an attempt to catch up I never really managed to do it as my early bad decisions and even worse timing continued to kick me when I was down. Time to restart.

So I pick a new landing site, My rocket hits the ground and I immediately get to work. This time every resource gets its own dedicated depot for storage. I start minding mining concrete and metal as fast as I can while calling in multiple resupply ships. As I build my first dome I also focus on building more air and water than I need and double up on pipes and power lines so if one goes out everything keeps functioning. This time goes much smoother and as my colonist arrive and my second dome goes up and starts moving thing faster things start getting easier.

The game looks beautiful and the music is great and varied with each station having its own fun little commercials. I also wouldn’t classify the game as hard but it can be a challenge, but the game does punish you for your mistakes and one disaster can have a cascading effect on colony as a whole. The game is very well done and any fan of the genre would be wise to give this one a chance. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.