Abby Grace (2016)

Abby Grace. The name just kind of rolls off the tongue. Seriously just say it out loud a couple times. Did you try it? Yea it really doesn’t, just wanted to see if you would try it.

Anyway now that I had my fun the movie itself is about a psychiatrist that goes back home after her mom dies to help out her very OCD brother that has a phobia of the outside world. Don’t feel bad about the mom dying by the way, she was insane and is responsible for the state of the brother.

After the brother complains for a few days about putting fresh flowers on moms grave and his sister grudgingly doing it her dog brings home a little music box he digs up and leaves it on bros bed. This is where shit turns bad. He also has a very strange obsession with coconut water.

As always I try to give you guys some details while avoiding as many details as possible. Many times I don’t even include names, unfortunately this story very much requires a couple small ones. If you don’t want them please stop reading here. I will place a random picture at the beginning and end of the spoilers section. Skip to after the 2nd picture if you just want to know if I feel the movie is worth watching.

Back in 1919 the house used to be a boarding school until the headmistress killed herself and in the 1940’s a little girl killed her entire family. The house however is not in itself haunted, but an object that is in or near the house itself is that every so often allows a poltergeist to go on a killing spree.

And we are done with spoilers. Anyway while the story is a pretty standard ghost story it is fairly fun and well done with some nice twist and turns. If you are a fan of those types of movies its a pretty good movie to see. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Friday the 13th part 7: The New Blood.

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So, curious what became of Tommy Jarvis and the Sheriff’s daughter? Well,they don’t come back. Instead psychics got involved in this installment and well, it’s the first movie to have Kane Hodder play Jason.

So a little girl named Tina is being chased down by her abusive asshole dad at there lake house at of course, Crystal Lake. Tina, with her mind, collapses the dock her dad is on and kills him on accident. Years later Tina comes back with her mom and douchebag doctor to help Tina get past her past; her doctor secretly is recording her powers to gain fame quick. In another fit, Tina tries wishing for her father to return, instead bring Jason back instead. No one believes Tina when she tells them she has visions of Jason killing people, not her mom, or her doctor, or the house of teens down the way. Good grief.

New Blood is probably my least favorite of the series for one solid reason: it’s watered down as hell when it comes to the killing. I’ve heard stories how the MPAA cracked down pretty hard on Paramount because of all of the noise the series caused with it’s excessive gore and nudity, even going so far as to threaten a X rating for the film. Tina is a decent enough hero and some of the effects at the end fight are cool but other than that I really can’t say I like the other characters. Hodder brings a menacing, hulking stature to Jason which sets him apart in my mind. Jason unmasked at the end is the coolest of the series in my opinion. Otherwise, if you cut out the psychic crap, the movie ain’t too memorable but meh. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

The Hunter Call of the Wild

This is not my usual game. I have played a few hunting games in the past but I am not usually a fan. Been hunting a few times and I have enjoyed it. The games I’ve played tho just failed in every way to capture that thrill of hunting. The searching, the excitement of seeing your soon to be dinner. The heart break of a miss and the pure joy of a kill. Until now.

Just to get this out of the way, if you don’t have the patience to simply wander around for 30 minutes or an hour or even longer just following a trail, trying to line up the perfect shot then possibly following it some more if your shot fails to hit its mark and drop your animal quickly, this game probably is not for you.

The game is beautiful. Maybe not the best graphically but the views in the two insanely large areas are nice with plenty to see. Ponds, ridges cabins and more to explore. You can easily spend hours just wandering around seeing what you can find. In fact my first 3 hours playing I shot 4 animals and only because I randomly ran into 3 of them. And yes much like the real world if you wander around making a ton of noise chances are you won’t be seeing much of anything.

Wondering around however is not a waste of time. Tracking animals or finding new sites will actually gain you experience and money to buy better weapons, or an ATV to make travel much easier and trust me. You want the ATV, it is a long walk to across the map on foot. Animals won’t stick around so you will want to park it when you want to hunt. I saw someone in the PC version crash the ATV and have to walk and even crash it into a bear, but I don’t know if the PS4 version allows for it.

At the end of the day tho if you like hunting or even just relaxing in a massive open world by all means give this game a shot, but if you like more action this game is not for you. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Friday the 13th part 6: Jason Lives

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So remember how part 5 ended with Jason becoming the new Jason at the end and that little note that Jason got cremated? Well guess what, part 6 didn’t.

Tommy Jarvis is back with a different actor and a new starting point to ensure Jason’s dead. Him and a friend go to Jason’s grave to make sure he’s really dead. Even though his corpse is rotted and decayed as hell, Tommy felt the need to desecrate his corpse further until a rogue bolt of lightening hit a metal rod left in Jason, reviving him from the dead. He comes back stronger and quickly starts another rampage through Forest Green (they renamed Crystal Lake). Tommy runs afoul with the Sheriff who fails to believe Jason is now a OP zombie shuffling about with his trusty hockey mask and machete. The Sheriff’s daughter takes a liking to Tommy and tries to help him finish Jason’s ass once and for all…again.

So again, Jason Lives is more funnier than scary but this time it’s trying to actually be funny. Jarvis is written to be more charismatic than before and pretty cool. There’s a lot of fun kills complemented with moments of meta humor and slapstick. Overall, I gotta say Jason Lives is probably the most enjoyable of the series and I will highly recommend it for a movie night with friends. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Diary of the Dead

Another great Romero zombie movie. I actually reviewed these way out of order, the main characters from Survival of the Dead actually show up to rob these college kids in Diary of the dead which is a scene shown in both movies.

Another small issue is for a large part of this movie they are attempting to get to Scranton Pennsylvania. Torsten and Myself are both from Scranton, very few people would come here and it is not as nice as the movie makes it look.

This movie actually depicts the beginning of the zombie apocalypse itself, starting with the first attack and people finding out about it. In fact at first our college amigos and amigas don’t even believe its real.

This movie actually demonstrates why I don’t hang out with film people. One guy is so obsessed with filming he actually almost lets his friends and himself die a few times.

The visuals and sound are pretty standard for a Romero movie. Not spectacular but good enough and the story is a simple tale of a group trying to get home while dealing with learning how to survive, the dangers of both zombies and humanity and of course how it feels to be part of a whole new dangerous world. I suggest you check this one out..in the proper order obviously. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Friday the 13th part 5: The New Beginning

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So like every horror movie before and after it, The Final Chapter wasn’t the final chapter for very long. In this case, roughly a year before the title became obsolete. Part 5 is considered by many the Black Sheep of the franchise and all considering part 6 wipes it out pretty much. Still, if you need a laugh, this maybe the slasher film for you.

Part 5 picks up with a grown up, emotionally and psychologically damaged Tommy Jarvis as he is taken to a home where people with psychological issues can get back into society. Tommy is nearly mute and can be pron to violent outbursts when fucked with, while being haunted by images of Jason. Tommy is here to restart his life but it ain’t easy; there’s rednecks that hate them for being so close, one of the patients is murdered by a deranged handyman who I guess really hated chocolate bars, and there is a killer on the loose…did Jason return?

Ok, spoilers, no he didn’t. For horror, this movie sucks. The kills are either lame or flat out funny as hell like a Michael Jackson wannabe getting speared in a portapotty. A lot of the dialogue feels like came straight out of a porno and there’s a lot of…nudity in it. The twist ain’t great and though I appreciate where the story tried going, it felt too clumsy for it to feel really effective. In the end, part 5 is funny  and awkward but that’s about it. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory because damn those enchiladas!

Anger of the Dead (2015)

If you are a complete movie snob that demands an original story with high tier sound, visuals and acting even from Indy films stop reading this review, assume you won’t enjoy this movie and move on to another review and movie. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, this movie simply isn’t for you.

That all being said while it is simply another average zombie flick in every way possible average is called average for a reason. Plenty of zombie movies are worse and it is still a good enough movie.

The movie essentially has 2 plots at once, one involving a pregnant woman and her boyfriend and their attempt to survive in a world gone crazy. Desperately looking for a place that is safe to give birth to a child and raise it safely is their force and they will lose friends along the way.

The other plot is much darker. A man trying to save his sick wife at a sort of sanctuary where all kinds of test are run by a sort of paramilitary group. Beatings and rape are also not uncommon.

There is a very heavy The Walking Dead feel to the movie and the ending leaves much to be desired, tho admittedly most Indy films seem to have twist endings for no other reason than to have them. The movie however is worth a quick watch if you have the time. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Friday the 13th part 4: the Final Chapter

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So I got two shout outs for this review today, one for fan and dear friend Hatter who let me borrow the collection so I can refresh myself on the series and the other to Savior, who watched this puppy with me as part of our traditional Halloween marathon. You all kick major ass.

So there’s a recap as usual and every movie I get bummed aren’t narrarated by the Dragonball Z narrator. Everyone is dead after part 3, and the bodies are carted off to the local hospital morgue. Like Halloween 2, Jason isn’t actually dead and kills his way out back to his home of Crystal Lake. A group of teens rent a nice house across from the happy Jarvis family, the youngest Tommy will be the focus of the net few films. And there’s a dude named Rob lurking around hunting Jason because he killed his sister. Well, Jason had fun with this I bet…

Final Chapter maybe my favorite of the series. In a lot of ways, it’s the most suspenseful of the series and may I say, one of the goriest. The kills are sweet. The teens next door are goofy 80’s teens you don’t mind getting to know but also don’t mind Jason knocking off. I actually felt a bit of sympathy for the Jarvis’s. Young Cory Feldman was really good as Tommy Jarvis and sad at the end when he loses it and murders the shit out of Jason. Jason is at one of his best in this, being a badass. If you never checked the series out and you wanted to check a Jason movie out, this is my pick where to start. In other words, this movie ain’t a dead fuck.  Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

5 Horror Movie Logic Mistakes?

This is just a simple list of 5 things about many horror movies never sat right with me.

1. Where are all the damn guns?

This is largely an American issue really. But I live in a country that legitimately has more guns than people and more ammo than people in the world just laying around. That isn’t even a joke. Many Canadians think we shoot them out of T-Shirt guns at ball games. We don’t, but we could. Yet most horror movies is missing any real gun supplies.

2. Why the hell does everyone split up?

I don’t even feel bad when these people die. Every horror movie some idiot decides hey, we are being hunted by some deadly monster/creature/beast or whatever. Lets split up. Because making things far more even for whatever is trying to kill you makes the most sense.

3. Why do so many people shoot deranged killers one time?

So here is the scenario. Some deranged psycho killer has murdered half your friends, and is coming for you. Why do so many killers shoot this guy/girl/thing 1 time then stop? If you ever find yourself in the situation don’t stop until the ammo runs dry people.

4. Looking for the creature?

This move always seemed like high grade stupidity. Whelp some random creature is attempting to kill everything. Our options are leave town, hide or go searching the wilderness or hospital or whatever for this thing. And they always pick the lets go searching option.

5. Sex.

Yea I’m not posting a sex scene sorry guys. But why do most horror movies seem to have one of two sex scenes. Either the early movie one that is fine because shit hasn’t hit the fan yet or the 2nd one. The 2nd one is always random and weird. Hey half our friends are dead, killer is running around or some demon is out there. Lets sneak off for a quick one and never be seen again.

So that is my list. Feel free to add or disagree and may the gaming gods bring you glory.