Savior Gaming

Insidious

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This is a weird A for effort kind of thing. It’s not your standard ghost story or possession story…well it is but isn’t or is but infused with LSD. Seriously if Dr Strange walked into this story and started fighting the lipstick demon I wouldn’t question it. So we start with typical happy family who move into a new house and weird shit begins to happen. The youngest child goes comatose. The family is now torn but holding, ditching that new house because for once they do what every horror movie family should- get the hell out of the house. But the occurrences continue still. It’s the son we discover is the problem. We discover the father and son share a unusual gift that’s explained by an old psychic lady, they can breach into the Further- a world/ dimension of the dead on the astral plane. The boy’s caught in a bad out of body experience by a demon with long ass nails, enjoys weird old time music, and looks like Darth Maul’s cousin. This demon wants to take over the child’s body. So the father has to dive into the bad acid trip of the Further and save his son’s inner self…

The first time watching it, I wasn’t a fan but the second and third time it grew on me. I have a lot of respect for James Wan, who you can tell put his heart into this and really appreciates the genre. It’s interesting how the story goes from haunted house to possessed child story to something reminiscent of Suspiria if it was the Alice in Wonderland remix. The settings, imagery, and music blend together excellently. The characters are good. I recommend giving it at least two viewings in case the first doesn’t sit right right with you.

Death Note (Netflix) 2nd opinion

So me and Torsten decided we would both review this one. Why? Well he has seen the anime and I have not. So he shall review it pretty much based on that side of things and I shall review it having very very little knowledge of it.

The start of the movie reminds me of most teen movies. Light is a whiny little emo brat to be honest. And L? He reminds me of one of those nerds in highschool that watched too many cartoons and randomly tosses Japanese words out there on occasion because he is to lazy to actually learn the language but wants to sound smart.

With the horrible acting and annoying script out of the way, I can appreciate the attempt to modern/Americanize it, hell its not even uncommon for other countries to change things to make it fit in with their culture. The biggest issue the movie has however is how badly they half assed the attempt. Change the location but leave all the names but toss a weird pronunciation on them? Makes very little sense.

On the bright side of things, the movie does look nice and the story itself is solid even tho I think the actual script needed work. Many of the issues I have heard basically boil down to it wasn’t done how people wanted.

Anyway if you have not seen the anime despite my complaints the movie is solid and entertaining enough to be worth watching. Hope you all enjoyed and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Death note

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So in the fabled year of 2014 when life was Ok and I was almost another person in almost another life, a close friend and original battlebuddy SniperElitest gave me an amazing B-day gift: the complete Death Note anime collection and after that I got hooked into anime. Many people who stereotype anime as violent cartoons full of flashing lights and tall haired buff people that fight and kill each other need to watch this particular anime. Duke, thought Dragonball Z was drawn out and boring so thinking outside the box I introduced him to Death note and he fell in love with anime too. Death Note is the story of bored genius teen Light Yagumi who one day comes across a mysterious notebook called “Death Note” that falls from the sky. He takes it home with him and reads the rules inscribed in it: the first being that anyone’s name whose written in the Death Note will die as long as the owner can picture the victim’s face in there mind. Light is visited by a strange creature, a Shinigami- a death god named Ryuk who sheds light on the situation and helps explain the power of the note, urging Light to try it. Light discovers it’s power are true, watching a robber die just how he wrote it. Light decides to use the Death Note to rid the world of it’s evil people, acting as the “god of the new world” under the moniker Kira- or “Killer”. The world becomes enthralled with the phenomenon, murderers, corrupt officials, warlords, terrorists, child molesters and rapists all magically dropping dead or coincidentally succumbing to fatal accidents. Light’s father is in charge of the task force in charge of hunting down Kira, but on there own they are no match for his intellect. Until L comes along, a odd famous investigator that reaches out to the police to help them catch Kira. From the start, L proves to be a match for Kira’s intelligence, suspecting Light is Kira from the get go. He keeps tabs on Light, watching every move he makes but Light manages to prevail. But a disturbing revalation comes to both L and Light when a second Kira emerges with another note of there own. Enter Misa-misa, a air headed model and pop culture sensation obsessed with Kira who falls madly in love with Light. Ryuk tells Light of a special “deal” the owner of a Death Note and a shinigami can make- in exchange for half the owner’s life span, the owner can borrow there sight and suddenly see the full names of anyone he sees. Misa made the deal with hers. Light charms her into being his accomplice while him and L clash wits and minds as the new world unfolds…but who will come out on top?

The anime is great, not one of my favorites but amazing all the same. It drags and being 37 episodes that says something but it’s full of complex thoughts between the main characters so I can understand. The music is catchy as hell; the animation is gorgeous. Definitely watch it…

So the Americanized Netflix movie? Eh…I hated it. It took the basic premise of Death Note, took out most of the twists and turns and gave us a emo teen romance story. Light Yagumi went from a character starting out as someone with good intentions that becomes a relentless murderer with a god complex who will do ANYTHING to reach his goal. In fact, when he freaks out over the very idea of killing his dad killed the movie for me; in the anime, when push came to shove he did and didn’t have one shred of remorse for it. Mia (formerly sweet, idiot Misa-misa) was more of what Light was supposed to be like. Another huge problem I had was that Ryuk was clearly the villain and actively tried to screw Light where the anime made Ryuk a grim spectator, unable to interfere with the note. The score is replaced by music that reminds me of a more emo John Carpenter knock off. Willem Dafoe is by far the best part of this thing as the voice of Ryuk and the dude who plays L is ok; there’s some decent Final destination style kills but that’s about the best it’s got to offer for me. Don’t watch this if you saw the anime first, you will get pissed.

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Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows (explained badly)

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Look i’m not making any money on this, so I shall do what Hollywood could not and combine this into 1 review. Now I must admit I had a lot of fun doing these reviews, mostly because they were very out of the ordinary. I doubt I do anything else like this unless people start asking for them. So without further delay I give you Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, apparently by George R.R. Martin.

Seriously that last part wasn’t a joke. These movies have a legit body count that would make Game Of Thrones proud. It starts with our favorite abuse survivor being escorted away from his Aunt and Uncles house by a small army of look a likes sort of like Saddam Hussein. A dew minutes later his owl is dead and so is Mad Eye.

A bit later they get some free goods from the will of Dumbledead that seems quite useless like a book of kid stories a golden snitch and a zippo that puts out lights. At some ones wedding there is another attack and I can only assume more people die. What follows is a weird obsession with finding a dudes old stuff just so Harry and friends can break it so they can kill him.

So as the magical camping trip wraps up the crew is captured and saved by dobby the good old house elf. Yea he dies now to.

I’m skipping around a bit but hey I forgot to mention. Half the first movie Ron is listening to the radio where they announce dead people from the war with the man with no nose.

I’m just going to skip ahead to the battle at Hogwarts. Look this battle is epic as hell. Our boy wonder and friends kick Snape out of the school to find the last couple items,oh yea Snape? Really was a good guy. Aaaaannnd he’s dead. Also one of the ginger twins is dead. Tonks? Dead. Her husband? Dead as fuck. Rons fling from a few movies back? Yea she is dead . After a bunch of death we get a happy ending of course.

But before I go here is something that always pissed me off in both the book and the movies. When Bellatrix killed Sirius Black Harry got pissed and used the forbidden torture curse. And I get it screw her. Later on at Gringots both Ron and Harry use the mins control curse. Again I get it, no harm no foul. Now we get to the final fight with Voldy boy. A man that has killed uncounted people and is responsible for even more. He has tortured more and hunted Harry and friends..and yet in the final duel when its all or nothing for the fate of the world the only person using the killing curse is big daddy V? That shit just makes 0 sense to me and never will. Feel free to mind control and innocent goblin, hit a crazy murderer chick with a torture curse…not quite willing to kill the greatest evil in the world. All that aside I hope you guys enjoyed, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Poltergeist

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Riddle me this: how the hell is a PG movie more disturbing and scary than a a huge slew of PG-13 modern films, including the bullshit remake that was…well bullshit. Answer: get Tobe Hooper and Steven Spielberg to make it. I didn’t see this classic until I was old enough to drink and I’m going to say admittedly that it surprised the hell out of me- again another simple idea carried out beautifully. Pretty much a normal happy American family discovers that malevolent spirits are amongst them, becoming more violent when the activity becomes undeniable and the youngest daughter, Carol Anne is taken into there world and it’s up to the family to free her and uncover the reason all this is happening at all…

What sticks out to me are some of the iconic scenes: the boy getting attacked by the toy clown, little Carol Anne sitting in front of a white static screen talking innocently with the voices we can’t hear, the rotting bodies floating in the muddy pool, the shaving scene. Even quiet moments like the chairs suddenly being stacked on top of each other suddenly is unsettling. The actors have great chemistry as a happy believable family and you do root for these people. Seriously check this movie out and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Goat Simulator

Every so often I get a friend that recommends a game that seems so mind numbingly dumb it can’t possibly be fun or even good. Goat Simulator is that game. You play as a rampaging goat (yes the animal) collecting new combinations of goats to play as for super powers while you collect various objects. The real fun in this game comes from all the insane stuff to do. For example I always loved sticking my tongue to people and dragging them around or rushing over and headbutting them to see how far they go.

There are also various missions to do, for example and early one requires you to stick your tongue to a boulder, drag it in front of a car doing donuts in a field and let it crash.

Graphically the game isn’t impressive and the sound is nothing to write home about? The game has a number of glitches as well but honestly the game is just pure goofy fun. Give it a shot if you get the chance, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

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Sometimes it’s the simplest ideas are those that hit us the hardest, and none more so than the people we come across in the middle of nowhere. Texas Chainsaw Massacre debuted in 1974 and immediately became known as one of the most shocking, disturbing movies of all time and yet the movie is bloodless, brilliantly forcing our imaginations to carry us to those dark sinister places. The 2003 remake was good in my opinion; as a kid I preferred the remake but as a adult I can appreciate what made Hooper’s classic so terrifying. Both start with the same premise, a group of friends are traveling through the back roads of Texas and find a hitchhiker on the road. In the original, its a creepy ass dude with a red patched face who is obsessed with meat and photographs who suddenly becomes hostile, setting the pictures of the kids on fire when they refuse to pay him, cutting himself and then one of there friends before getting thrown out; in the remake, it’s a pale young woman bleeding between her legs who immediately begins weeping, muttering that her family is dead, they are going to die, and a very bad man before drawing a gun hidden between her legs and killing herself. The original is slow building, almost letting us get bored as nothing happens even when the kids find a creepy old house they came to find. There doom comes from the nice manor with the long grass lawn. Through the screen door we see the crimson walls, animal bone decorations, and heavy silver door we assume leads to a basement. Suddenly the door opens when our victim is near, revealing a tall man in a apron and disturbing leather mask with a mallet as he strikes and we watch the body flail, hear the bone crack with every strike, and the final thunder of the door slamming as we end the intro of Leatherface. Leatherface picks the kids off one by one as we learns all the people the friends come in contact with are part of one big macabre family of cannibals that sell human barbecue. The dinner scene at the end of the original is one of the most influential horror scenes of all time, where we are treated to sheer madness. In the end, our heroine survives at the cost of her sanity, covered in blood laughing wildly as Leatherface dances with his chainsaw in the sun rise. So what’s the difference between the two iterations? The original is very grainy and filmed without a score, the actors look like real people; there wasn’t a moment during it felt like a Hollywood picture but some kind of found footage or crime show reenactment. That’s the remakes fatal flaw. The remake is entertaining and suspenseful but with the glossy cinematography, professionally composed score, and actors you’ve seen before- you know damn well it’s just a movie. Gunnar Hanson will always be the true Leatherface, may he too rest in peace; he has a beautiful moment of pathos in the original after killing one of the girls where he seems regretful and saddened by what he’s done but slowly we see him begin to smile through the mask in the natural sunlight. Both actors did a great job but Hanson rocked it. I highly recommend both but more so the original, which you maybe able to find on Youtube for free. May the gaming gods bring you glory, and may you never experience the real life horror of “one of the most shocking and sadistic crimes in the annals of American history: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”

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Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince (Explained Badly)

This movie has a bad start for our formerly abused young wizard harry, as old man Dumbledore cock blocks the hell out of him with the hottie in a diner. After a quick teleport our 2 unlikely friends go and coerce an old teacher with an unhealthy obsession with children back to school to teach potions.

Speaking of potions young Potter finds the book that belonged to the half blood prince and cheats his way to some great grades and a potion of luck. Look there is a lot of cheating going on in this one, Hermy cheats to get Ron on the quidditch team Harry cheats with the luck potion to trick a drunk professor into giving him some info Draco cheats to kill a man by letting Snape do it. Just all around cheating going on.

Also another added point the bro code means shit to Harry as he fools around with Rons sister Ginnie in a dark room in the school one day but hey at least the eventually get married so I guess its ok. All that being said this was simply another movie that will survive thru generations of people, until next time, may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Dragon Age Inquisition

I played Dragon Age Origins after it first released and fell in love with the game almost instantly. The story, the world, the characters it was all amazing. I never got around to playing its sequel which I hear may be a good thing. Finally we come to Dragon Age Inquisition. This game has a lot going for it. The story is fun and engrossing, the battle system is nice the characters are great and the world itself is as amazing as it ever was.

There is a but coming to this. Mixed in with all that greatness was some of the most boring game play I have seen lately. The worlds are huge but mostly empty with areas that randomly rocket the level of the enemies seemingly at random. And if you attempt to do everything the game has to offer you as it becomes available you will quickly be so insanely over powered the already repetitive game play becomes tedious in a way I can’t even begin to accurately describe. Many people love this game, I am simply not one of them. Best wishes and may the gaming gods bring you glory.

Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix (Explained Badly)

Here we go again, more insane shit. We start out with a soul stealer attempting to take the soul of Harrys cousin and like a true idiot he saves him and drags him home. His reward is a court date to avoid expulsion from school. After skirting around his technically criminal act our dear Potter goes to school only to find the place taken over by what can only be described by a dictator that would probably make Hitler ask wtf was going on.

At this point in true family fashion Harry forms an army similar to the Order Of the Phoenix which brings our number of pseudo factions up to around a bazillion or so. I mean I get it, terrorist leader is back from the dead and every one says Harry is lying about it i’d probably be a little pissed off to.

In typical movie fashion in the end the school is somewhat back to normal, some ginger twins quit school, the craziest bitch to ever exist kills Sirius Black and some how noone has slit Dracos throat yet. As always thanks for your time, and may the gaming gods bring you glory.